Hi everyone

I have been a lurking member here for a long time, but have never posted. I am just wondering if I can get some feedback and advice (okay maybe just some commiseration) about this situation.

My 7 year old son Terran has been spending the school year with his dad in Toronto, a 5 hour flight from where I live in Victoria, BC. This basically happened because I was going through a lot of difficulties with Terran's behaviour and with my new partner and I made the mistake of asking his dad if he wanted to have Terran go there for a year in the midst of an emotional meltdown. I pretty much backtracked right away and told him I thought it was a bad idea, but he started threatening me with court and I didn't want a big battle so I let him go. To make sure it was only a year, I drew up a consent order for the court stating that this was an extended visit and that nothing in the agreement would change the fact that terran's primary residence was with me. His dad was supposed to sign it and send it back for me to file with the court, but instead, he sent me a scanned emailed copy and kept stalling on sending me the hard copy. By then Terran was already out there, so there wasn't much I could do, so finally I got a lawyer to make sure he sticks to the agreement.

Anyway, in the meantime, my partner and I decided it was time to start trying for a baby, only we were too good at it and got pregnant the first try (we figured since we were on birth control, it would take a while to work. Apparently not). This means that the baby is due about two weeks before Terran is supposed to come home from his dad's and his dad is refusing to agree to send him home early to be there for the birth. I am so worried that if he doesn't come back before the baby and have some time to get settled in and some one on one time with me, he will be totally fucked up about the whole thing. This stupid year away has already been so hard on him (and me) already and his dad has made it impossible by not answering phone calls and being super restrictive about when Terran can talk to me, if I can get ahold of him at all. I think being there for the birth of his first and maybe only sibling is way, WAY more important than being there for the last two weeks of school. I mean really, how many of us remember the last day of grade 2, compared to the birth of a sibling if we were old enough to remember?

Anyway, what I guess would help is any research that could support my argument, a referall to any kind of expert either on parenting, child development, attachment theory or education who could write a letter of support, or just some good old fashioned emotional support. This man has made my life hell since I made the unfortunate mistake of procreating with him (actually the mistake wasn't the procreating, it was the letting him have anything to do with the product of that procreation afterward). I have tried to make sure that Terran has a good relationship with his dad, but it has just ended up being endless bullshit since the beginning. I really want to have patience and understanding, I hate having all this negative energy in me, especially while I am pregnant, but it is just such a crap ass situation, I can't help it. Anyway, thanks for the space to vent, and thanks for all the great, informative posts on other topics.